Can you cry under water?
Who decided that a round pizza should be put in a square box?
When you get to heaven, are you stuck for eternity wearing the same clothes you were buried in?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?
Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why does Goofy stand upright and Pluto stand on all four feet? They're both dogs.
Do "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" have the same tune?
On Gilligan's Island, the professor could make a radio out of a coconut. Why couldn't he fix the hole in the boat?
short n funny
Why did the runner quit the race against Bigfoot?
He couldn't face defeet!!
What's a baby's motto?
if at first you don't succeed - cry, cry again!
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer!
How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards!
Conclusion is a place you get to when your tired of thinking
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Hard work pays in the future laziness pays now.
wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat.........cut of your head!
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
long but funny
blonde
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.
The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”
elizabeth
There was a married couple sleeping and a psycho killer entered into their house. The killer put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, “I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?””My name is Elizabeth,” the woman replied.
The killer said, “You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can’t kill you.”
The killer then turned to the husband and asked, “What is your name?”
“My name’s Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth, too.”
verge n mary
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.
